Pacifica (autumnwinds) wrote,
Pacifica
autumnwinds

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So, late one night in Victoria, I was indulging in a rare event of channel-flipping and ended up on some sex-advice show. It's sorta like Savage Love, only a little tamer, and the host was a candid old woman (I'm assuming half the appeal of this show comes from the fact that the host looks like your grandmother).

So I watched her take a few callers, mostly the usual stuff about someone that couldn't get an orgasm, or a man wanting to know if there really is such a thing as a "broken penis" (yes), or if regular body lotion is okay for lube (no). And then...

She took some call from a young woman who said that her boyfriend likes to pull out and ejaculate on her face during sex. That gets a big EW face on my end, but hey, whatever. But here's the weird part. First, the caller went on to say that every time he does that, she gets a painful rash on her face. What could be causing that, she asked?

Well, I know it's a little obvious, but maybe it's the SEMEN ALL OVER YOUR FACE. I don't have a better medical explanation, and neither did the host.

Second...and this is what gets me...the girl asked what she could do to prevent this from happening. And the HOST, in all seriousness, advised the girl to slather a THICK LAYER OF VASELINE on her face before sex.

Now, think about this. Vaseline is oily, greasy glop. Now it's on your face, it's on your pillow, it's on your sheets, it's on your boyfriend if he tries to kiss you (he'll slide right off anyway), and if you have long hair like me, instant messy hairy mask. What the heck kind of advice is THAT? Is that the best you could do? And why didn't the host just say "well, if your boyfriend's sperm is givng you a horrible painful rash, maybe you should ASK HIM TO EJACULATE SOMEWHERE ELSE."

Dorks.
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