Pacifica (autumnwinds) wrote,

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And now, a word about pants

I have not worn women's pants since the middle of high school. It was roughly around that time that the shape of women's pants began the really widespread change, I think. Since then, I have been amazed that the fashion industry has been cranking out zillions of pants that are constraining and badly fitted, and people have been buying them like hotcakes.

I only have two or three pairs that I wear regularly. One is a pair of men's carpenter jeans, the other two are green khaki cargo pants.

I like the the jeans because they're comfortable, I can move around in them, and they have lots of pocket space. They're pretty straight-leg. Regular women's jeans, at this point, use patterns copied from a funhouse mirror. The waist is down past your crotch, the hips are so tight they glom onto your skin, and the cuffs are nice and wide so you can fit your big stompy platform shoes under them. I HAVE NO NEED FOR HYPERBOLIC PANTS. They're hard to put on, hard to take off, and once on, I can't move around in them. Sitting down is a pain. Actually walking or climbing or something is worse. Plus, they fit so tightly that putting anything in the pockets is just a dream.

What's the point of these pants? They make your ass stick out. They look awful. It's like wearing ankle cuffs.

My other rant regards the khakis. I was looking for a new pair to replace my favorites, because I'd torn them in a bad place on some barbed wire at the bear bait station. I fixed the rip, but it won't last. I went to Old Navy, which is where I got the original pants, and discovered that since my original pants, cargoes have gotten much more popular...which means they've changed them.

The women's pants, again, were out of the question. The men's pants were okay, but they had army stuff stamped on them, and the material is a lot thinner (bad for climbing or sitting on logs). Also, several pairs had altered the pocket. Instead of one large pocket on each leg, they'd put two half-size pockets there. That's twice the seams (which really irritated my leg), and not enough space to actually use the pockets. I USE my pants for more than just covering my illegal bits. I need space to store my compass, my core samples, my pens, my headlamp, a clinometer, and maybe a bandanna. What's the point of useless pockets? Never mind.

They'd also put in a little zipper pocket on the knee of ONE leg, so they felt annoyingly asymmetrical. Again, too small to store things. Mom sent me a magazine clipping raving about how popular cargo pants are (note: being popular does not make it good), and ending with "the truly fashion-savvy know to leave the pockets empty." Puh-lease. Leave the pockets empty if you never go outside.

In conclusion: pants people, knock it off.

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