Pacifica (autumnwinds) wrote,

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Listen, ye mortals, to my long sad whine, and thou shalt see why I am unworthy of certain objects.

1998-I buy a pair of sunglasses. Black, wraparound, about $20.
2000-Sunglasses #1 mysteriously disappear. Buy Sunglasses #2 at Paramount Park in California on band trip. Black, wraparound, about $20.
2000-Sunglasses #2 mysteriously lost. Buy Sunglasses #3 at gas station in Moscow. Dark green, wraparound, about $10.
2001-One rubber earpiece cover of Sunglasses #3 disappears. Other one follows months later.
2001-Sunglasses #3 mistakenly abandoned in the woods at a research plot. Buy Sunglasses #4 at a gas station in Moscow. Dark blue, wraparound, about $10. Sunglasses #3 recovered 3 months later, damaged but not bad. Retired with the fear that the sharp uncovered earpieces will someday stab me in the brain.
2002-Sunglasses #4 swept out to sea after being perched on my head while sticking it into Waterfall Creek in the middle of the Frank Church wilderness. Fellow hiker reports seeing them skitter across a boulder after being swept away into the torrent, and thereafter into the middle fork of the Salmon River, the Columbia, and the Pacific Ocean. Buy sunglasses #5 upon leaving the wilderness (black, wraparound, about $10).
2003-Sunglasses #5 are perched on my head while hiking through a massive field of deadfall in the Gila Wilderness. Are swept off my head at some point without my notice. Later searching proves futile. Sunglasses #5 still in the Gila. Sunglasses #6 (black, wraparound, about $10) purchased at REI in Albequerque, after one week with a super-nice pair of Oakleys that pinched my head just as much as all the cheap sunglasses did. Returned those and got my $150 back. I can't handle losing that much money in the woods. Invested in a sunglasses cord too.
March 29, 2004-Pulled out hard protective sunglasses case from backpack while walking to class. Case accidentally slips from hand and clatters on the pavement. Impact not only breaks CASE, but also breaks SUNGLASSES #6 inside.

Conclusion: There is an afterlife, and I am the Purgatory for sunglasses deemed unworthy.

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