Pacifica (autumnwinds) wrote,

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This is the most I've ever said "fuck" in my whole life.

You know what? To hell with this entire day. I don't care. I got up this morning (Happy Beltane) all calm and happy and ready for a good day, and not a single thing has gone right.

Went to Econ this morning. Got my 2nd exam grade back...83%...on an exam where I felt confident, studied like a demon (read over 200 pages of text for it), spent days preparing for, and expected to score at least 10 points higher than I actually did. The class average (honors students!) was a low C. Not only that, but I'm getting mid-B's on the quizzes and a 90% on the only other exam, even though I've been studying like crazy. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I went and talked to him about my progress in the class before this exam, to see what I needed to work on, and ended up bursting into tears and feeling worse about myself than when I'd walked in. Oh yeah, and we have a homework assignment due Friday...for a chapter we haven't read yet...and haven't discussed in class yet...and he still hasn't even emailed us, telling us what the assignment IS.

Couldn't read in the READING ROOM between classes because it was full of loud people. Ecology was dreary. Went up to talk to John to see if he'd let me take the final early...NO. I have two finals on MONDAY, then sit around Moscow for 4 DAYS so I can take his stupid easy test. I leave for Taylor Ranch on June 3rd and don't finish until Aug 16...and school starts around the 20th. I'll have all of two weeks to spend with my family this summer. He is letting TYLER take the final early, even though we have IDENTICAL reasons for wanting to take it early, probably because Tyler has a two-day drive to get home. And all I got was some fucking line about how if he lets some people take it early, everyone's going to want to take it early. Fuck you! You go home to your wife and kids every night, you asshole! I don't have ANYONE here.

Genetics was long. Asked Tyler a question pertaining to what I'd missed on Monday and he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about. I HATE that. I HATE it when people make me feel stupid for asking questions. When I ask a question, I'm *already* making myself vulnerable by admitting I don't know something that I probably should. Could you PLEASE refrain from kicking me in the teeth?

Now I'm sitting here in my room, with a thousand things to do, and I'm at a complete standstill. I can't do Friday's posting because the reading for it is on a .pdf file (I HATE Adobe Actobat) in a font size too small to read, and it's way too long to print. I have to wait until I can get it from Tyler. I can't do my essay because it has to be on a restoration forestry case study and I can't find a *single* *freaking* *example* online that explains what I need it to explain. I can't do Friday's econ because I don't have it yet. And I'm tired, and I feel logy and fat. Fuck...this.

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