April 28th, 2002

Dandelion

(no subject)

I have not pulled my thoughts together enough, at this point, do decide what I am going to do. I do, however, know what I will NOT do.

1. I will not lose myself.
2. I will regret nothing that happened, and nothing that came of this.
3. I will maintain my self-respect. I will smile again, sing loudly in the car, and dance in my room with a complete lack of self-consciousness.
4. Tyler could have made this an ugly, hurtful thing, and didn't. I have the power to make this a bitter, ongoing, drag-everything-through-the-mud-backwards affair, and I will not. I will let him go. I will also stop making references to him in every situation I face.
5. I will not lose the friendship with Tyler that we vowed to maintain, above all, from the very moment this relationship began (in this room, one year and a few hours ago).
6. I will not change myself or compromise who I am in an effort to change what has already passed.
7. I will not bitch and moan to everybody I meet. I will cry loudly, by myself, for a few days, cry quietly for some time if I need to, and then get over it. I will bitch in my journal as much as I want.
8. I will hate nothing and no one. I can hardly wait to see the good that is going to come from this.
9. I will keep my wits about me.
10. I will not forget. Not the good, not the bad. This has been the best year of my life, and I refuse to let it fade away because one person involved with it no longer plays the same role.