December 13th, 2003

Sierra Night

Behold.

The 3rd Crusade: A Play
Starring THE POPE and FREDERICK BARBOSA, Holy Roman Emperor


POPE: "Go on a Crusade."
FB: "I don't want to."
POPE: "Go on a Crusade or I'll excommunicate you."
FB: "Fine."

FB goes and conquers some minor Germanic tribes


Pope: "That's not what I meant! Go on a Crusade!"
FB: "Fine."

FB goes and conquers northern Italy


Pope: "That's not what I meant! Go on a Crusade RIGHT NOW or I will excommunicate you. See?!?"

Pope holds up signed order of excommunication


FB: "FINE."

FB leaves for the Crusade, falls off his horse in full armor while crossing a river, drowns. Army returns home.


Pope: "#$@%!" (presumably)

FIN
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Sierra Night

(no subject)

The 4th Crusade: A Play
Starring THE CRUSADERS, THE BYZANTINE EMPIRE and THE MUSLIMS


MUSLIMS: "Arr."
BYZANTINES: "Save us, Western Europe!"
CRUSADERS: "Okay!"

CRUSADERS come to save the capital of the BYZANTINE EMPIRE, Constantinople


CRU: "Whoa! Constantinople is way better than Europe!"

CRUSADERS sack the city


BYZ: "Not helping!"
MUS: "HA ha!"
CRU: "Let's go save Jerusalem now!"

CRUSADERS march towards Jersalem, become distracted.


CRU: "Let's go to Egypt!"

They arrive in time for the ANNUAL FLOODING OF THE NILE, and make camp on the FLOODPLAIN.


MUS: "Um...okay, if you want."

MUSLIMS open the dikes, flood out the army, drown half of them


CRU: "Save us!"
MUS: "Only if you leave us alone."
CRU: "Fine!"

Muslims put what's left of their attackers on ships and send them back to Europe


FIN