The problem was solved when Doc gave Tyler permission to slosh water on them from the bedroom window. Tyler was consistent enough that the dogs eventually learned not to bark. However, Tyler has now been gone long enough that the dogs are starting to get back to their old tricks, and unfortunately, they're much harder to slosh now. Tyler's moved his desk into the bedroom, which blocks the best window for sloshing (with a plastic tub). The only accessible window angles the wrong direction.
So, I figured that the best thing to do would be to use a water gun, which has much better aim and no need for an especially coordinated fling. It didn't even occur to me that the end of August might not be the best time to get my pick of a water gun, which means that when I went to Toys "R" Us a few days ago, all I could find, Heaven help me, was this.
Please note all the features, including "press the trigger to hear authentic blaster sounds from the movie while you shoot water up to 35 feet away!"
Squirting a water gun out the window at the dogs at 3:00 AM with a gun that is going "pa-CHOOM pa-CHOOM!" is going to be a surreal experience, I can tell.
BONUS: I get to whine like a wookie! I can see it now.
Bedroom, 3:00 AM, with barking
Tyler: "Amie-June, can you go soak the dogs?"