Pacifica (autumnwinds) wrote,

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I love this country*.

Why, you ask?

I love this country BECAUSE we are not afraid to make movies that are SO BAD that they are ALREADY campy almost a year PRIOR to their release.


I ALSO love this country because it is a country in which we can make a movie about a killer releasing deadly snakes on a plane containing Samuel L. Jackson, and sensibly title it Snakes on a Plane.

This is GENIUS. You cannot make stuff like this up. Also, it spawns hilarous things like this mock trailer


At great personal risk, we here at Yankee Fog have obtained an exclusive sneak look at the trailer for the upcoming prestige film Snakes On A Plane. We are pleased to present you, our readers, with a complete and unedited transcript.

VOICE OVER: In a world where snakes can get on a plane...

FADE IN ON: An airline check-in counter. The TICKET LADY is stamping somebody's ticket.

On the other side of the ticket counter is the passenger: a snake. In an effort to look more human, the snake is wearing a false moustache and an old-fashioned bowler hat.

TICKET LADY: Enjoy the flight, Mr...(CHECKING THE NAME ON THE TICKET) Snakerson.

THE SNAKE: Sssssssss.

VOICE OVER: ... one man is on a plane with snakes.

CUT TO: Samuel L. Jackson, sitting on a plane. The snake is sitting in the chair next to him. Jackson chats away, apparently unaware that his seatmate is a snake.

SAMUEL L JACKSON: Well, all I'm saying is, just because I had a baby with her doesn't make me a father, you know what I'm saying? I mean, I want to go to the birthday party, but I've gotta fly to LA and take care of business.

THE SNAKE: Sssss....

The camera pulls back to reveal that every passenger on the plane except Samuel L Jackson is actually a snake . They are wearing a wide variety of disguises--one of them has a fake bushy Hasidic beard and is wearing a prayer shawl. Another has an outrageous afro.

SAMUEL L JACKSON: Hey, you've got something on your moustache there.

He reaches over to brush it off, and the moustache comes off.

SAMUEL L JACKSON: Wait a minute. You're a SNAKE!

VOICE OVER: Now.. that man must warn the world.

CUT TO: Jackson is in the cockpit. The pilot is slumped over, dead. Jackson yells into the radio.

SAMUEL L JACKSON: You've got to listen to me. There are SNAKES... on the PLANE!

CUT TO: Samuel L Jackson punching a snake. The snake is wearing a pair of jeans.

Jackson finally knocks the snake out. He rummages through the snake's pockets and is shocked by what he finds.

SAMUEL L JACKSON: Oh my God. This snake has a PILOT'S LICENSE!

CUT TO: Samuel L. Jackson is talking on one of those phones they have in the seatbacks of planes. Tears are streaming down his face.

SAMUEL L JACKSON: Listen, sweetie, I know I haven't been the best father. I'm so sorry. I don't think I'm going to get through this, and I wanted you to know something: I love you very, very much. Oh, and by the way, there are motherfucking SNAKES! On the goddamn PLANE!

VOICEOVER: Coming soon: SNAKES ON A PLANE. Because on a plane...nobody can hear the snakes.


, and my next favorite item of clothing, which I intend to order as soon as I figure out how big my torso is.

*Except for the parts where bull testicles are a perfectly acceptable thing to order at a restaurant.

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