His name is Bagheera, but we're going to mostly call him Pan (short for Panther).
Second order of business: boneheaded mistakes!
1. Tyler takes shower.
2. I put cat in wet tub, for funsies. Cat explores puddles and has a good time.
3. I take cat out of tub.
4. Cat hops in litterbox.
5. Cat litter immediately bonds to wet feet, like glue.
We ended up putting an inch of water in the tub and having him stand in it for a few minutes to loosen the granules, then wiping most of them off with a towel. Then we closed the bathroom door so he couldn't go back in the litterbox, and played with him in the living room until his paws were dry. Sign of a smart cat: apparently he had to go to the bathroom, but he waited until his paws were dry and we opened up the bathroom door again, then went right in and did his thing. Awesome.